Part 7 – Broken Promises

So far I have discussed Ex 2 and bypassed Ex 1. I’m going to continue to bypass him and discuss Ex 3.

If you recall the one blog I wrote about my current state (yes I’m still pregnant), the man involved is Ex 3. Ex 3 is a widow. He is only 35 years old. I met him 3 months after Ex 2 had left the picture. It’s been basically a year now that he has been in my life. I haven’t yet decided if this is a good thing or not.

As it is with every new relationship, the beginning was perfect. I wasn’t even looking for a relationship at the time. Hell, I wasn’t even the slightest bit attracted to him in any way when we started talking. At first we were connected through a mutual friend who thought we could help heal each other and just be that support that the other needed. Him and I agreed that nothing would ever transpire between the two of us. As time went on I saw into his beautiful soul. The man that I never even considered dating became so important to me. I couldn’t help but fall for him. He was amazing. He said all of the right things at the right time. Based on my past, I know better than to believe just words. But even his actions were perfect. They spoke all the words that we couldn’t find to say to each other. Soon we decided we would date, but keep it on the downlow as he had his burdens to bare, and I had mine. Perhaps this was our mistake.

As time went on I thought things would start coming out and the pictures he had up would slowly start to go away. That’s the thing about expectations. They kill you from the inside. As they didn’t start progressing, I started regressing to my past. All my insecurities and trust issues came to surface. That’s when he started shutting down. 

The fire that burned so bright and so quickly, was put out like it was just a matchstick in the rain. All of the good times and things he said, soon meant nothing to him. I still cling to those moments. I think it’s harder for me because once I get involved, I give it my all. So I did and now I can’t take it back. I can’t stop myself from still being in love with him. 

I blame myself for a lot of it. Sure, he has his parts in this. For example, him shutting me out, more pictures going up instead of coming down, he became secretive and started hiding things…. the biggest thing is that he said he doesn’t love me anymore. 

I remember the first time he said he loved me like it happened yesterday. We were sitting in his basement watching a movie. I was telling him how I wasn’t ready for anything serious and that I needed more reassurance. Thats when he grabbed my hips and pulled me closer to him. He held me as he looked deep into my eyes, as if he could see my pain and said “I love you. How is that for reassurance? I love you.” He gave me the cutest smile and kissed me. 

Now to today, he says things like “I don’t love you anymore”, “You’re like heroine” (when I asked what that meant, he wasn’t talking about me as a person, purely having sex with me), he’s upset because “the baby is with me” meaning not with her…. how can someone go from saying that “I’ll take all the bad for the good. We deserve to be together and make each other this happy. Nothing good comes easy.”, to “we will never date again, you need to just let me go.” 

The main reason I had in my head for never wanting to date him was that I knew he was a widow and I did not want to be the first “tester” into the dating world. He spent 2 months convincing me that that was not the case. I fell for it. And now we’re here. He told me the other day that it was different back then, he thought he was ready but he was wrong. 

How can you make such promises to me and break them? I told you how fragile my heart was and how I never wanted to date because I can’t take it anymore. How can you run that risk when I told you my heart and mind cannot handle it? How could you break me like this?

The biggest painful memory that I caused that I can remember is on day I slept over at his house on a work night. That morning we got ready as usual and got to our cars in his driveway ready to leave. He looked at me and said “have a great great, I love you.” I looked at him, smiled and simply said “have a great day”, got in my car and drove away. This was 3 months after us dating. That night we got together and I told him I was not in love with him anymore. Why would I say that? I am STILL so in love with him. 

That’s the kicker, I don’t believe that he doesn’t love me because he simply fell out of love with me. He doesn’t love me anymore because I told him I didn’t love him anymore. He doesn’t love me because I lied to him. I lost a great man, over fear and pride. 

He’s a very logical thinker and has a great ability to let his mind take over and block out all thoughts. And that’s just what he’s done. He’s blocked me out. Hes also a Virgo. Yes, I follow signs. Virgos are so unbelievably logical and stubborn. He will never come back. 

We’ve also decided that it’s best that I don’t keep the baby. The first person to put anything negative in my comments…. well no threats here, let’s just try to not be judgemental of me and bring me down. The reason we have chosen this is simply because it will never work. We will have a messy, difficult time. He doesn’t want it and wants to be out of my life. He would be in the child’s life if we kept it, but he would fight for it to be with him and not me. That’s what he said, I’m not throwing around assumptions. It would be 18 years of absolute hell. He has been supportive through the process but deep down I know it is all manipulation to ensure I go through with the process (as this is not what I wanted to do at all) and to make sure I’m out of his life as quickly and as quietly as possible. Just a ploy to get his way. 

I struggle with how we went from where we were, to where we are now. Sometimes I don’t believe that it’s over. It can’t be. We still hang out and talk every day…. But I have to remember it’s just for sex and for him to get his way. He told me numerous times that he regrets not just leaving fully back in December. He doesn’t want me. He doesn’t love me. He wants, and he loves, her. Not me. It will never be me.

How can I be hurting so bad over losing someone…. who honestly, was never mine. I never stood a chance. Even if I was perfect the whole way through, we still would have ended up here. I should have listened to my gut. I knew better. But I fell for it.

Thank You, Ex. 3, for all your broken and empty promises. 

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20 thoughts on “Part 7 – Broken Promises

  1. I’m so, so sorry to read that you’re going through this.
    I obviously don’t know you, and I don’t know the intricacies of your relationship, but it sounds very much to me like one I was in years ago. He told me he didn’t love me anymore, but he kept me around because I was comfortable for him and familiar to him. He kept me around because he knew he had my heart, and that I didn’t have the strength to walk away from what was an incredibly unhealthy situation.
    It wasn’t until he told me he hated me one morning, then called and suggested we have sex later that night, that I found my pride. I was worth more than what I was getting from him. I deserved better. As hard as it was, I walked away from him (I actually left the state for a while to make the break easier), and I’ve never regretted the decision.
    As I said before, I don’t know you, but I do know that no one deserves to be mistreated in the way you’ve described. You’re worth being loved β€” you’re worth YOU loving. And I think part of loving yourself will involve letting go of this man.
    You’ve gained a follower with this post. I hope that, in a future one, you’ll have better news to share πŸ™‚
    Best of luck to you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words! They do mean a lot to me and I am also sorry that you have been in a situation similar to mine. With Ex. 3 it’s a little different in the sense that he is so nice and so comforting and supportive that makes it much more difficult. He also has never called directly and ask for sex, it’s just every time he comes to comfort me that it happens. I am sorry that somebody has mistreated you than that and you are a very strong person for walking away! I hope one day to find my pride as you have. Xo

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I was in a situation with my first pregnancy where I was told to give the baby up. It would never work. It would be too complicated. We needed a clean break and to move on. I am proud to say that I didn’t give in. I kept her and I fought for her…and won full custody…despite the fact that he tried to prove me as an unfit mother. He only made himself look like an irresponsible idiot in the process. I won’t lie. There were many tense and hard moments throughout the 18 years we shared her. He did see her every other weekend and for a few weeks over the summer break when she was old enough. But I look back now and yes, it was hard, but I do not regret my decision. Not at all. She helped me grow up and mature. She brings so much joy into my life and our family and I can’t imagine never having her! I just wanted to share this, not to shame you for your decision to go along with his preference, but you did say it wasn’t what you want. You have a voice. You can have this baby and raise it, even if he doesn’t want to. Part of breaking free from bad relationships and/or abuse cycles is exercising your voice and enforcing boundaries. Don’t let others control you anymore. I know it’s hard. And I’m probably a hypocrite with my words because I’m not perfect at this either. This baby may change your life for the good. It won’t all be hell. I just wanted you to know that. You know you best though, and you may have thought this through over and over, so either way, there’s no judgement from me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your support. I don’t necessarily have a choice because if I keep it he said he would fight for me not to have it. And I already have a child and cannot put her through that sort of hell. I need to think what’s best for everyone involved and it is a very difficult decision. I’m so happy to hear your story and wish you continued happiness! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks for sharing this. You really need to do what’s best for you and stop considering his feelings. He’s being civil now, but today or tomorrow he can pick up someone else and not care anything about you or the incredible times you two had. I’ve been through so many heartaches that I no longer even care to marry and have a child because i’m convinced that whoever he is, will eventually leave. You can give the world to a man, be your best and love him unconditionally, and he’ll still take you for granted. I’ll pray for you and don’t worry. Whatever happens with your guy, will make you stronger and wiser for whatever the future holds. Things will out. Put yourself first for a change and settle for nothing less than the very best.

    Liked by 1 person

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