Part 4 – Suicide

Going with my previous blog, I’m about to blog about a very controversial topic. Bearing in mind that my opinion surrounding this topic is very…. unique we will say.

DAMAGE CONTROL! I do not expect you to understand or agree in the slightest. But I do expect that comments remain constructive and not insulting.

Can you imagine feeling like there is no other possible way to fix your life other than just ending it entirely? I’ve been there if you haven’t and let me tell you, it’s the worst possible feeling. Actually. One worse feeling is when you try to complete it, and fail. My exact thoughts when that happened to me were, “I can’t even kill myself right”. By no means am I saying these were healthy thoughts. They weren’t at all. I’m just telling it as how it was at the time.

I’m also going to throw out a point many of you may disagree with, but hear me out. Everyone says that suicide is the cowards way out. I believe that if you have the ability to carry out the act of suicide that you have so much “strength” and control it is unbelievable. Now I don’t mean strength as some of you may be taking it. But to carry out such a powerful and irreversible act, like, I have a hard time carrying out the smallest of tasks….

And I’m going to clear the air by saying it is not a sign of weakness. What it is, is a sign of illness. I suffered from feeling suicidal myself. It’s not easy and the last thing people with these thoughts need is more labels added to them. Wanna hear something sick? When I was younger, maybe 13, I had an addiction to cutting. Disgusting right? But at the time, it showed me physical pain. It showed me I was still alive enough to bleed. And the pain was like an adrenaline rush. I couldn’t get enough. And I learned new places every day to do it so people wouldn’t see. It’s not right, I know this now. At the time though, I didn’t.

When people experience these thoughts, they aren’t typically looking for “an easy out”. Instead they feel like such a constant burden. They feel like nothing they do is ever good enough for anything or anyone. They get sick of going to people with their problems to only be told things like “other people have it worse” or “It’s just a stage you’re going through” or “you’ll be fine. Give it time” or the ever so famous “your life is great, stop being so negative and look at the positive things in your life”. Honestly, if it was that easy for us to see the positive things, don’t you think we would be doing that already? Do you think we enjoy feeling like this? Because we sure as hell don’t. But I remember being so enthralled with all the different ways I could come up with to just do it. Get it over and done with.

I know that there are much better and healthier methods. But what everyone fails to understand is at the time, the thoughts in their minds are so confusing and clouded that people just don’t see them. Instead of judging them and trying to give advice, because let’s face it, nobody wants advice when they feel like that, try listening and understanding. When they come to you, grab their hand and tell them that you understand and you’re there for them. Give them a hug. Hold them and let them cry it out. And for crying out loud, don’t start talking about yourself. Even if you’re trying to show them you’ve gone through it, all you’re doing is shifting the focus and they won’t want to talk about it anymore. They will feel guilty, shut out and insignificant. It’s so hard to talk to people when you feel like that to begin with. Then when you start changing the topic away from them, they again feel like they don’t matter and they feel it’s better not to talk about it. They feel like they finally opened up to someone, to feel like their thoughts and feelings just don’t matter.

I’m not trying to speak for everyone. And I’m not trying to reason with suicide. But we need to do our part to keep our loved ones with us. We need to show support.

I remember the first time my parents caught me cutting myself. They were pissed. They grounded me. Do you think that helped? It didn’t. And then they suffocated me. I understand what they were trying to accomplish, but instead it backfired and that’s when I got more clever about it.

Suicide is a horrible thing for everyone involved. But the people with these thoughts feel afraid and beaten down and just plain depressed. Let’s show love instead of judgement. We need to focus more on building each other up instead of trying to analyse people’s thought process and trying to diagnose them. That’s not our job as their friends and family. That’s their therapists job. Our job is to show unconditional love and support. Through it all. Let them know you’re there to listen with no judgement and that they have a safe place with you.

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58 thoughts on “Part 4 – Suicide

  1. I share your sentiments. And your right, its not a popular theory to have 😉
    My perspective came over years of grappling with the ‘whys’. My first encounter with death, was when I was 7; and it was suicide, and was also my favourite Uncle.

    Liked by 5 people

      1. We have that in common then 🙂
        I made peace with the Uncle topping himself … i figure it was his way of taking control of his life … I get it 🙂

        Liked by 3 people

  2. I have to disagree on one point and I will politely say this quote. Strength comes from riding the storm and know you are still alive and for good reason. If you just give up and drown…well that’s weak. Many people do the same with addictions. SAD and I have had a couple suicides in my family.It’s a terrible thing when we let the pressures of the world get to us that we become so weak and of them that we lose ourselves. I pay that all have the spirit and the strength realize how wonderful and amazing they are! HUGS

    Liked by 4 people

    1. That is a good quote! Though I disagree that it makes you weak. I feel that if you continuously face battles alone and inside your head, that’s strength. Giving in doesn’t mean your weak, just tired. And it’s difficult to label people with any disorder or addition as weak. But that’s just my opinion. I’m very sorry for your loss! Xo

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I understand and that’s why I included addictions. I believe everyone who has an addiction of some sort, well they are people just like you and me and maybe something happened and went wrong. They give in. It is easy to be happy in happy times and hard to find some in dark times. Some overcome addiction because they made a choice to not live like that anymore-rock bottom. Others well it isn;t that they are losers as society says. The addiction is just too strong. Of course I am not labeling those with say mental illness. I just read another post about a young girl who has cancer and boy is it kicking her butt. But she is choosing to be strong and helps little kids with cancer-giving the baskets….she could be asking why and giving up on life but she’s not. That is the strong that I’m talking about. That strength that comes from getting back up after you’ve been hit heart. Most people don’t realize how wonderful they are. Thanks for writing this as I am passionate about this

        Liked by 3 people

      2. I feel that if you continuously face battles alone ….yes for sure but real battles are won when you know that you are bot alone. That GOD or the universe-someone has your back. That’s the problem. Thanks again for deep meaningful conversation!

        Liked by 2 people

      3. I agree, everyone has to find something to believe them and it would help a lot if they are able to do that. I know when I was in that state, I couldn’t. Again I’m not speaking for all nor am I saying I’m completely right, but I agree it would definitely be beneficial! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for your courage discussing this topic. Mental ill health is such an undermined but important topic I think it is so important to help to increase others awareness. I know more than a few people who will resonate with you when reading this.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Do I have anything to add? Of course low self-worth is an illusion, but I guess it is hard to dispel an illusion if you have nothing to measure it against, so contact with others is a necessary thing. Unfortunately those who suffer from it are often defensive and hostile, using their mistrust as a weapon to drive friendship away. The door with ‘trust’ written upon it is hardest to keep open, but essential to us all. I think that when people speak of suicide as a selfish act they mean it in the sense that the suicidal person is too occupied with themselves and in a sense that is right. But characteristics formed without the maturity to analyse them are hard to deal with, so my understanding you do, certainly have. Yes, I have contemplated suicide at times in my life and agree it takes enormous courage to see through. By and large I am glad I failed. Life is a joyful and enrichjing experience, and let’s face it, there’s nothing else.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Interesting point of view! I wouldn’t necessarily say hostile or that people with suicidal tendencies intentionally push away friends, but I won’t disagree that it does happen. And sometimes is over analysing that hurts, not necessarily having a lack of maturity to do so. But those are just my thoughts! Everyone is entitled to be different and think different! 🙂

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  5. Unconditional love and support….you are right that is the key. I do not see suicide as “selfish” or “weak”. When I was suicidal I believed everyone in my life would be much better off without me. My father took his own life. I never saw him as a weak man. His aunt and his cousin also took their own lives all of them were adults in middle age. It was not a “cry for help” or a cowards way out.” At the time for all of them it seemed like the only way. I’m glad I did not do it because I have had so many years of a wonderful life but at the time I could not see that just ahead around the corner. Thank you for bringing this important topic up for discussion .

    Liked by 4 people

  6. It’s hard for anyone who has never been at a point in their life where they felt not existing would be better than existing to truly understand. It’s a very dark place to be. And most times, the thoughts and actions on the thoughts are from a selfless place. Feeling like a constant burden to others on top of feeling oh so alone..yeah I’ve been there, you just want the pain to stop and to no longer feel like a burden. And it may all be in a person’s head but as people we have to stop and think about what actions or lack of could possibly be aiding to such feelings. Thank you again for sharing!

    Liked by 3 people

  7. In someways that was difficult to read. I have been there. You were brutally honest and that is a beautiful thing. Your words were compelling and compassionate. You have a voice. Thank you for following my blog.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Great post! It was a very honest look at an extremely difficult subject. “Other people have it worse” is one of my least favorite comments that people can make. Just because something doesn’t sound “that bad” to them doesn’t make your feelings any less real and valid! People can be so insensitive (not always on purpose, but still).

    Liked by 1 person

  9. very honest, good advice, good you’re being a voice to this epidemic!
    I am willing and available to listen to anyone struggling with suicidal thoughts… coming from one who is a survivor of an attempt and since overcoming the struggle, darkness, pain, and heartache with low self-esteem, loneliness, fear, doubt, depression, and mental illness to make it into the light on the other side…
    https://suicidenotmyheart.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

  10. For ‘hedonist’ like Thomas Hobbes death is the greatest evil because it puts an irreversible stop to all the pleasures life has to offer. Murder by the same token is the most evil crime. I wonder what he would have l about ‘self murder!’

    Personally I cannot rationalise suicide. It is ironic that those part of the world considered to have ‘the good life’ should also have the highest suicide rates. Sometimes I think because life is just so easy over there it leaves its citizens with too much time to contemplate such bizarre things like suicide. In some parts of the world the

    ‘Don’t Jump’ by Tokio Hotel is the perfect tune for t his moment.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. To anyone that thinks suicide is weak…

    Put a gun in your mouth and “try” to pull the trigger.

    Loop a rope around your neck and “try” step off a chair.

    Walk into the ocean and “try” to fill your lungs with seawater.

    Walk out to the midspan of a bridge, step over the rail and “try” to jump your death below.

    Even Navy Seals succumb to depression.

    Still think it’s weak?

    The ironic thing is that suicide is an attempt to escape the unthinkable thoughts.

    If you haven’t truly and sincerely been there…you can’t possibly relate.

    Peace to all who have, and hope to all that haven’t.

    Liked by 1 person

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