Part 2 – Reality 

As mentioned in my previous post, I have a beautiful daughter. She’s 6 years old now. I had her young, I was 19. The bond between her and I is surreal.

At that time in my life, I was in 1st year university living the typical university life. I had only been dating her father for about 6 months. BOOM. I’m pregnant. Now I didn’t realize at the time how well him and I had both handled the situation until current day.

I remember the day I found out…. it was spitting outside just enough to annoy you. I had just taken 4 pregnancy tests in the Wal-Mart washroom and decided to go to the walk in clinic to verify that both bright pink lines on all 4 tests meant the same thing, knowing damn well it did. Upon hearing the news that I was in fact pregnant I proceeded to call her father. At that time he was shocked yes and worried, but didn’t fail to comfort me and tell me him and I would work it out together. We tried for 6 years after that. Unfortunately it just didn’t work.

Why does this matter?

Fast forward to right now. Like this very second. I’m currently writing this in a walk in clinic waiting room. I just had 4 positive tests and am awaiting the official confirmation.

Why is this time different?

Well my current “relationship” is all kinds of fucked up. He is a young widow. I was recently out of a very abusive relationship (that’s a story for a different day). Things were great until they just werent. Some may say he just wasn’t over her, others that we just weren’t meant to be. Fact Is, I’ll never know the truth, nor do I think I want to.

I was in love. Over the moon. He was the best man I have ever been with. When he broke up with me 4 months ago, I was devastated to say the least. Now as pathetic as this is, I needed to have him in my life in which ever way I could. Even if that meant just having sex with him.

I told him last week I had the suspicion. Big mistake.  He went crazy thinking he wasn’t ready, he had to move, he didn’t want to be in the babys life.  Then yesterday I found out the truth. It’s only because the baby was with me. And not her. I was crushed. But last night he messaged me saying we needed talk. So we talked and he said he was wrong and sorry and he wanted to be in the babys life. Well I thought this could be my window. So I asked of we could try again. The answer of course was “I never want to date you again.”

Back to today. In this waiting room. Waiting to find out if I’m pregnant with his baby. I can’t help but compare how different they handled it and how someone who was 19, completely irresponsible and broke handled it so much better than a 34 year old man who has his life completely together. In hindsight, these two story’s I would have expected to go the complete opposite way.

Take note, my daughter’s father and do not get a long whatsoever and there is a lot of drama currently with him. So I am in no way defending him. But that’s a story for a different day.


20 thoughts on “Part 2 – Reality 

  1. This puts my problems in perspective. And even what I’m going through feels bad, so I can only imagine what you must feel. But this does also show that we humans are very resilient and if we think that things could have been much harder, our problems might appear less daunting? Hope you believe in yourself and find joy and love in whatever form in your life. 🙂

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  2. Into each life some rain must fall-Longfellow. Your story isn’t one out of fiction, a common series of unfortunate events. Life is beautiful; life is painful. Most of the times, it’s both. Your daughter is the silver lining; your heart is the spoon that feeds her, and the new adventure ahead only reaps more wonder. If you aren pregnant, and your trying to see the light, looking down at that face shows you exactly why your a strong warrior of god. He saves those battles for his strongest. Keep us all posted and the best thing to do at times of love, is to love those that need it, not those that want it. God bless you dear. Be safe.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Did u ever realise that in the midst of ur interpretation…how strong u r and have been since the beginning…
    I hope this light inside u may always burn bright and ur child becomes the best world for you…i truly believe they are be proud to c how mature and how strong u are… moreover they are lucky to have u as u r to have them…all d best…

    Liked by 1 person

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