As mentioned in my previous post, I have a beautiful daughter. She’s 6 years old now. I had her young, I was 19. The bond between her and I is surreal.
At that time in my life, I was in 1st year university living the typical university life. I had only been dating her father for about 6 months. BOOM. I’m pregnant. Now I didn’t realize at the time how well him and I had both handled the situation until current day.
I remember the day I found out…. it was spitting outside just enough to annoy you. I had just taken 4 pregnancy tests in the Wal-Mart washroom and decided to go to the walk in clinic to verify that both bright pink lines on all 4 tests meant the same thing, knowing damn well it did. Upon hearing the news that I was in fact pregnant I proceeded to call her father. At that time he was shocked yes and worried, but didn’t fail to comfort me and tell me him and I would work it out together. We tried for 6 years after that. Unfortunately it just didn’t work.
Why does this matter?
Fast forward to right now. Like this very second. I’m currently writing this in a walk in clinic waiting room. I just had 4 positive tests and am awaiting the official confirmation.
Why is this time different?
Well my current “relationship” is all kinds of fucked up. He is a young widow. I was recently out of a very abusive relationship (that’s a story for a different day). Things were great until they just werent. Some may say he just wasn’t over her, others that we just weren’t meant to be. Fact Is, I’ll never know the truth, nor do I think I want to.
I was in love. Over the moon. He was the best man I have ever been with. When he broke up with me 4 months ago, I was devastated to say the least. Now as pathetic as this is, I needed to have him in my life in which ever way I could. Even if that meant just having sex with him.
I told him last week I had the suspicion. Big mistake. He went crazy thinking he wasn’t ready, he had to move, he didn’t want to be in the babys life. Then yesterday I found out the truth. It’s only because the baby was with me. And not her. I was crushed. But last night he messaged me saying we needed talk. So we talked and he said he was wrong and sorry and he wanted to be in the babys life. Well I thought this could be my window. So I asked of we could try again. The answer of course was “I never want to date you again.”
Back to today. In this waiting room. Waiting to find out if I’m pregnant with his baby. I can’t help but compare how different they handled it and how someone who was 19, completely irresponsible and broke handled it so much better than a 34 year old man who has his life completely together. In hindsight, these two story’s I would have expected to go the complete opposite way.
Take note, my daughter’s father and do not get a long whatsoever and there is a lot of drama currently with him. So I am in no way defending him. But that’s a story for a different day.